Defining Personality

I’m exhausted.

People need to stop calling me weird. Yes. I’m not conventional. Sure, I go against your grain. But, you try being a tomboy working in an environment dominated with a heavy feminine energy.

If being weird is a good thing, fine. I still don’t want to be called weird. And, if being weird is a bad thing, then stop calling me weird. Especially if you are a coworker. Either way, just don’t call me weird.

All of my life, I’ve never felt that I fit in. I’ve never found my place. Never able to hold on to a stable set of friends, I have always had a hard time connecting with others. Especially women. I have never understood weekly trips to the mall that will last for hours. I’ve never understood the “book clubs” that are just an excuse to get sloppy off wine & vent to a bunch of sometimes friends. I’ve never understood the calling each other every day, spending hour on the phone dissecting everything. That is what therapy is for. Sure, we need a community of people. As it’s said too often, “it takes a village.” But that really only applies to true crisis or true celebration. Gaining five pounds is not a crisis. Cancer is.

Because I’ve never connected entirely with people or even found the need to, I’ve never felt the need to settle anywhere. While that could be a positive thing, I feel rather lonely…

So, when people, women specifically, get mad at me without reason & refuse to resolve the issue at hand, or roll their eyes at me & call me weird, I feel just a bit more alienated each time.

I shouldn’t let others’ opinions of me define who I am. This is not their life; it’s mine. But, when they say “hehe, you’re so weird,” a tiny part of me is hurt. And, the hurt never goes away.

There is a large history of my loneliness & inability to connect with people and plain settle. In time, that history will be revealed. Because, time is endless. And, we’ve got time…

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One thought on “Defining Personality

  1. Reblogged this on DJ Toaster Biscuit and commented:
    From DJ Toaster Biscuit’s sister blog.
    Truth: I’m not conventional. And, in your opinion, I might even be weird. But, please, don’t call me weird. Especially not to my face. That’s rude, as I really don’t like the implication. Thank you.

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