I’ve worked retail for the last nine years. At the beginning, I was full of hope and ambition. As the years have caught up with me, the hope vanished and my ambition is tough to grasp onto. Let me clarify that I’ve worked in a female dominated environment, both with my co-workers and the customers I experience each day.
Women can be exceedingly more callous and manipulative than men, especially when in large groups. We, as a gender, are prone to falling prey to herding mentality, doing what is deemed acceptable to a large group of people. Also, singularly, women can be outright nightmarish. We have the tendency to let our bad moods or bad experiences get the best of us. We get used to blaming everyone else for our bad luck instead of evaluating why we process our emotions in regards to bad experiences. We forget that our mental state is our responsibility only and out of the hands of everyone else. With our lengthening lifespans and declining sense of physical community, we become much more selfish and isolated. Therefore, it is up to us, as a gender and individuals, to break this cycle. And, it is incredibly easy.
Let me break it down for you:
- Set aside time a few days a week to write a few lines describing your experiences & your physical/emotional reactions to said experiences.
- Say “thank you” five times every day, even if it is just to your body for not failing that day.
- Smile. Studies have proved that it helps your mood remain positive, makes you appear more approachable, and allows your voice to be audibly attractive.
- Compliment others for the things they do well. Recognition from others is a great confidence booster. Paying someone a genuine compliment & receiving gratitude is also a confidence booster.
- Spend time outside. Sit on a park bench and read a good book. Go for a walk. Do yard work. Spend time on a swing. Sunshine causes your body to produce much needed vitamin D. Vitamin D helps your body absorb the majority of other nutrients you need. Sunshine also helps your body produce melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate your sleep cycle. By going for a walk outside during daylight hours, your body is helping itself function steadily. Plus, exercise boosts serotonin, the mood regulating hormone. Wouldn’t you want your body to function well?
- When I was a child, I ate anything my parents put in front of me. As an adult, I have become more picky with the food I eat, but the things I crave the most are vegetables and water. So, eat like you are a five year old. This means, eat all of the right things the majority of the time. That makes having a cupcake or glass of wine every now and then is okay. Treating yourself with an indulgence should be just that – an indulgence & a treat. Things like alcohol, sweets, or decadent food should be rewards for treating your body & mind well. They should be rewards for accomplishing a huge project at work successfully or getting a promotion, etc..
- Don’t bottle things up. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or hurts your feelings, tell them within 24 hours of your reaction. Not only will your honesty help the other person evaluate their actions & change, but it will help you have confidence in yourself.
- If you are old enough to have a bank account, shop at luxury shops regularly, and remember what you were doing when JFK was shot, you probably can afford bi-monthly therapy. The amount of money you spend at a luxury retailer & the energy you spend being exceedingly rude and scathing to sales associates being tooth achingly sweet to you cannot and will not solve whatever it is that has made you this unhappy. Spending 2-6 hours a month meeting with a therapist can be a valuable experience.
- Don’t play the victim if you aren’t truly a victim. And, even then, there are proper avenues to take in order to process your experience. Unloading on strangers, coworkers, sales associates, gas station attendants, etc. is not the solution.
- If you are jealous of another woman, don’t tear her down or attack her. Go about your business, respect yourself, and try hard to be the best person you can be. Attacking someone because you are jealous isn’t a solution. Nothing will come of it but hurt feelings, tension, and difficulty existing in close proximity with said person. Being successful is a solution. That way, you will actually accomplish something and get the credit you deserve. And, perhaps, you might even outshine the person you’re jealous of.
- Sales associates don’t control the layout of a store, what is sold in a store, the amount of things available in the store, the machines installed in the store, the location of the store, etc.. The only control how nice they are to you, the amount of knowledge they have for you, the level of service they give to you, and the promptness at which you are able to shop & pay for your services/products. If they controlled anything outside of those four things or the previously stated things, they wouldn’t be sales associates and they surely would have a larger paycheck. So, if you’re angry that a pinpad registers your debit card with the Visa logo on it as a credit card, don’t make a stink and demand the sales associate fix the machine right then and there. Don’t demand that the manager fix the machine either. Because, your bank account probably will completely process the purchase by 6pm on the nearest business day. Paying by check will delay the process even longer, taking your bank account 3-5 business days to (hopefully) process your check. And, storming out of the store while the sales associate is trying to process your check you crumpled & threw across the counter doesn’t help. Because, we know that every time you shop at our store, you have something horrible to say about the company, the product you are buying, and the person you are ringing up. We know that you don’t have a shred of kindness in you. And, we refuse to bend over backwards for you, because you seem to be inherently evil. If shopping at a store makes you that angry, write to the CEO. Do that at least once a week. And/or stop shopping at a store that makes you so angry.
- If you choose to chew gum in public, that’s fine. It is a disgusting habit that Western society has now deemed acceptable. But, that doesn’t mean you can pop & snap your gum constantly, especially with your mouth wide open. No one needs to hear that sound. No one needs front row viewing of your dental work. It’s distracting. It’s rude. And, it’s crass. A real lady (and man) chews with her mouth closed, and possibly even creates the illusion that she isn’t even chewing. And, a real lady uses an Altoid to freshen her breath, instead of incessantly chomping on gum. It makes you appear like you are still in the seventh grade.
These are the main things we can do to shape our future as women and as humans. Sure, there are many more things we can do. I hope that if I ever have a daughter, she doesn’t have to experience intragender bullying. I hope that she never has her entire being torn to shreds for absolutely no reason. I want her to live in a world that cultivates success for anyone who wants it, no matter who they are or where they are from.
Please, be kind to those in your community. Elevate those you encounter. Take your anger & tell it you have no space for it in your life. Smile. Seek out joy. “Be the change…”