Tag Archives: depression

Ssssh, It’s A Secret.

Earlier this month (October), the retailer that I work for opted for stores to put out holiday products. The retailer next door to us has even played the occasional holiday song already. For those of you who don’t come from capitalistic, Christian dominated pockets of the world, my use of “holiday” refers to Christmas. When you work retail long enough, you’ll hear people say “the holidays come earlier every year,” and you’ll roll your eyes, understanding that truth, yet fervently hoping the opposite.

I have a feeling that in a decade, it is very likely that every single day, there will be a premium put on Christmas shopping. This is why I hope that in ten years, I can afford to escape from the states between the months of October and January. If I am running my own business, I plan on giving my employees the entire month of December off on top of whatever vacation they have accrued. If they want to stick around and work, awesome. I won’t stop them. But, I’d like to give them the option of enjoying life.

With all of that said, I have some secrets for everyone who has never worked retail (or in hospitality of some sort) a day in their life.

  1. It’s just stuff. Does your co-worker’s girlfriend who he’s been casually dating for three weeks really need the latest makeup palette from generic brand x? Is it necessary that your dog walker’s niece have the most recent variant of a celebrity fragrance? Sure, it’s one thing if the person you are shopping for works in a relevant field of the store you are in. Let’s say your fiancé is a personal trainer. Yes, please, buy him or her new workout clothes and/or state of the art exercise gear. How about your aunt who is a makeup artist? Go ahead and buy her pro gear from an upscale cosmetics brand. My point is, it really is just stuff. How much stuff do we really need? Do women really need five exceedingly similar versions of the same thing? NO! We definitely DO NOT!
  2. Know your audience before you leave the house. That means know who you are shopping for, what things they like, how much money you want to spend, and which stores will cater to all of the latter. Don’t walk into a busy store on a Saturday afternoon and ask a sales associate (who probably is already helping two other people in your same situation) what you should buy for someone. Especially a week before Christmas. We don’t like having to pick out presents for people we’ve never met. Sure, it’s our job to guide you. But, if you know nothing about the person you are shopping for, how can we guide you? Every year, my coworkers and I each have to help at least 20 of you clueless drones. And, we’ll tell you all to buy whatever we have excess of. We won’t spend an hour with each of you interviewing you about the recipient. We won’t make personal phone calls to them either. We have limited time to help you. So, HELP US HELP YOU! Please!
  3. I cannot emphasize the importance of the phrase “IT’S JUST STUFF.” I will repeat it over and over again until y’all wrap your head around that idea and truly understand it.
  4. People (yes, human beings) who work in the hospitality sector have lives outside their jobs. We don’t magically appear the moment the doors are unlocked. We don’t magically disappear when we lock the doors in the evening. We are not magical hospitality fairies. Most of us working hospitality are doing so to pay bills, put food on the table, support a family, etc. We aren’t doing it for the love of serving others. Most of us working hospitality would give an arm and a leg to have someone wait on us all day long. The only difference is that hospitality workers are genuinely grateful whenever they get any kind of service, even sh*tty service.
    1. Three Golden Words: PLEASE. THANK YOU. Even if you don’t mean any of them, just say them. And crack a damn smile when you do, even if it’s fake. We’re getting paid meager hourly wages to be on our feet anywhere from 6-12 hours a day (sometimes up to 18 for some people with families, mortgages, debt, student loans, etc.). A little bit of gratitude goes a very long way. Be grateful that you have the option of spending your money on STUFF and going to nice restaurants and staying in nice hotels. Many of us working hospitality don’t have that option.
    2. As we are not magical hospitality fairies, we’d really appreciate it if you plan your shopping wisely. Don’t show up to a store as the doors are getting locked and say “Oh, but I really need to buy ONE thing!” We know that buying one thing will take at least 15 minutes, usually extending the time employees need to be clocked in. Be aware of store hours. Even if you need to buy one thing, show up an hour before the store closes. That way, you can shop at a leisurely pace and we don’t have to say “we’re closing up our registers, so if you need us to grab you anything and take it to the counter, please let us know.”
    3. We do have lives outside our place of employment. We have families to go home to. We have friends we’d like to spend time with. Many of us cannot afford therapy, so our intimate relationships and social lives are incredibly important. We like having the option of going to the gym or sharing a bottle of wine with friends or taking our dog for a walk. Humans are social. So, after spending all day getting paid a meager amount to interact with people we otherwise wouldn’t outside of work, we need to be surrounded by a like minded community.
    4. Many of us who work in hospitality are, in fact, educated. Just because our yearly income usually falls below a truly livable wage doesn’t mean we are idiots. A lot of the people I work with have spent time at college and many of those people have degrees. I spent three years at a university before I started working retail. And, I am back at school finishing a Paralegal Studies degree. Even though we make significantly less money than most people who shop at our store, many of us are as intelligent (if not more) than you. Again, we are not magical hospitality fairies. We are human beings, with functioning brains.
  5. Don’t be that asshole that makes it a point to say Merry Christmas to everyone. If you are really that jolly, say “happy holidays! Thank you for working hard!!” We meet a lot of the adamant “Merry Christmas” agenda pushers every day during the holiday season. Your schtick is not original nor funny. Plus, if you tell me “Merry Christmas” during Hannukah, I will respond “Chag Urim Sameach! Hope you have enough oil!” If you say “Merry Christmas” to me on December 20th or 21st, I will say “Happy solstice! Blessed be! May the sprites be with you tonight!”
  6. For those of you living in the United States, never expect any sales associate to spend more than 10-15 minutes with you between Black Friday and January 6th, unless you are shopping at a tiny, exclusive boutique. If you are shopping at a major retailer, chances are the shopper to associate ratio will be 10 or 15 to 1, and that is including the six to eight cashiers ringing up an already horrendous line.
  7. Remember, IT’S JUST STUFF! Please, thank you, and a smile are all helpful.

 

With that said, have a wonderful Halloween and All Saint’s Day. Enjoy Thanksgiving. Ask the sprites and fairies and sky and earth to bring rain and snow. Live in the moment. Don’t focus all your energy on Christmas until Christmas is here.

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Cultivating Joy

We are more than halfway through the year and the time has flown by. For the first six months, I barreled through a full time school scheduled and attempted to work 20-25 hours on top of that. I understand that there are people who work full time while going to school full time and are able to make that happen. For some reason, I can’t quite get that balance. I would love to be able to do that, but in the last few months, I seemed to sink back into an incredibly blue, lost place. I struggled to get out of bed every day. I found little joy in anything, even doing school work – something I had been enjoying thoroughly up until April.

A couple weeks ago, I became frustrated with myself for allowing myself to sink back into an uncomfortably comfortable depression. The frustration doesn’t help, it doesn’t solve any problem. So, in the last few days, a mild shift happened. Putting on jeans that felt fine now feel a bit too tight. My torso is rounder than usual, and that’s awful, because my torso is already too soft.

And, let’s be real: I simply don’t want to be unhealthy, mentally and physically. I need to be healthy.

I devised a plan. Every single day, I have to do something creative, I have to do something physical, and I absolutely have to be grateful for something. How will I accomplish that? Write somewhere what (or who) I am grateful for. If it is a person, I will tell them. And, if I have ten spare minutes, I have to write down exactly how I am feeling or have felt that day. Twice, if not three times, a week I will go to the gym, even if I get on the treadmill for just 20 minutes. Four or five times a week, I will pick up the weights I have sitting in my room and MOVE. Even if I just do steps back and forth with weights in my hand while I watch a movie, that’s still movement. Once or twice a week I will do one of the many doable workouts I found on YouTube. I will set up a reward system for every hour of school work I do each day. Another thing I need to do is write down everything I eat and drink. Mindful eating and consumption is a practice that is effective in my life. By being accountable for how I am treating my body, I will become happier with myself.

One thing I plan on doing that isn’t going to be a daily thing will be the upkeep of my blogs. Twice a week I will do a post at any three of my blogs. I will write about whatever book I have just read, new music I’ve been enjoying, exercise that is fun & effective, fun craft projects I’ve done, and many more.

With all of these simple things I am going to do, I am going to mark reminders on my wall calendar and I am going to set up reminders on my phone. If I don’t see or hear any reminders, I won’t stick to the plan. Right now, I am hopeful. The anxiety that was surging through my body earlier has subsided. I’m excited to go to the gym tomorrow before work. I can’t wait to finish my book this weekend.

What do you to keep yourself happy and excited about life? Please share!

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50 Facts About Ellie, part 2

Some of you may have snuck over here from part 1 of this list featured on Daily Ellie. If you haven’t and would like to take a look at it, please do! Things might make more sense if you do, although I’ve tried my best to keep things fairly random.

  1. In high school, my favorite band was The Black Crowes. I still love them and am kicking myself for not figuring out a way to catch one of their gigs on this tour. However, a few years ago, a friend had a spare ticket to The Black Crowes & Tom Petty at the Berkeley Greek. I happened to be available that evening. It was a phenomenal evening & I am happy I got to see TBC live. [I’ve seen Tom Petty live I few times, but he’s still amazing.]
  2. One of my first concerts I went to was Tom Petty when I was six or seven. My parents are very hip & were happy to bring my brother and I along to concerts when we were children. I remember two people with really long silky hair dressed in leather pants & vests dancing in the aisle next to us. They must have seen how into the music I was and invited me to dance with them. My parents were completely fine with that invitation, so I joined them and danced my tiny six (or seven?) year old bottom off. I remember having the time of my life.
  3. When I’m having a hormonal few days, I’ll eat one or two teaspoons of coconut oil before bed. The taste is soothing and my bad food cravings diminish.
  4. I love the smell of coconut. I love the taste of coconut water & coconut oil. But, I’m not a fan of most dishes prepared with coconut meat or coconut milk. I’ve found I’m still on the fence when it comes to Thai cuisine because of that fact alone.
  5. I was born in London, am still a UK citizen & a US Permanent Resident. My mother is first generation Irish-English. My dad is half Irish, half English. My paternal grandfather (who is Irish) was born in Agra, India and spent the first couple years of his life there.
  6. I want to visit India because of the fact my grandfather was born there. There are a few things stopping me. Mainly, I can’t afford the flight to and from India. Also, I wouldn’t know where to start or what to do. I don’t want to go there alone. I’d rather visit with two or three other people I know well, one of whom who has travelled throughout India or is a native of India.
  7. My top five favorite movies are:
    Bonnie & Clyde
    Singin’ in the Rain
    Boys On The Side
    Fried Green Tomatoes
    The Wizard of Oz
  8. I miss the hustle & bustle of London. I also get nostalgic for London circa mid-90s. That was a rad time, especially Camden. I’d love to live in Camden for awhile.
  9. I’d love to work for Ren Skincare. It’s such a simple and straightforward skincare line that offers amazing results. No, they aren’t paying me to say that, otherwise I’d actually be working for them!!
  10. I’ve finally chosen a degree. I am pursuing an AA in Paralegal Studies. My goal is to power through all of my required classes and be done by August next year. When I’m done, I am going to take a month or two off and travel around Europe going North West to South East. I’ve accumulated enough airline miles to get me between the US and Europe, so all I’ll have to worry about is lodging and food. Soon, I’ll start doing some research & chatting with friends who’ve done a lot of traveling.
  11. If I could stand the nitty gritty of veterinary school & everything else being a doctor entails, I’d probably be a licensed veterinarian by now.
  12. My parents got me in a swimming pool as soon as they got the okay, creating a major water baby. I don’t remember learning how to swim. In my active memory of my entire life, swimming has always been a part of it. I used to scare people when I when I was really young. At three or four, I’d take off running into the pool. Moments later my head would pop up & I’d paddle around giggling. It took me years to realize that not everyone knows how to swim. I’d always assumed that swimming was innate. Working as a lifeguard & swim instructor, I enjoyed teaching young children water safety and developing their swimming strength. The true reward was teaching adults how to swim.
  13. About four years ago, I injured my shoulder snowboarding. I didn’t have health insurance at the time, so I didn’t get it tended to. Now, it gets irritated if I don’t sleep well or if it is cold out. I haven’t let it stop me from snowboarding or doing any kind of strenuous physical exercise.
  14. I have also sprained my right ankle five times. It is now in a permanent minor swollen state. Every time I run or am on my feet for more than four hours, the swelling gets worse. Like my shoulder, I don’t let it stop me from being active. If I still have full mobility, I’m not going to stop moving. I don’t take my physical abilities for granted. I’m grateful I can go for a run or a swim or jump on a trampoline.
  15. Twice, I have participated in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Overnight walk. The first time I participated was in 2011 in New York City, and I made a week long vacation out of it. Last year, the event was held here in San Francisco. The event is approximately 18 miles long and starts at about 6.30 or 7.30pm. My legs were made to move, so each time I was able to finish the walk in about five and a half hours. This year I wasn’t able to participate as they didn’t announce the city with enough time for me to plan. I’m considering participating next year, but I have to decide soon. It’s a great cause that raises funds to help with mental health research & support.
  16. People have told me I’d fare well in the South. I don’t know if I should take it as a compliment or an insult. I’ve told myself to take it as a compliment and attribute it to my respect for respect. I’m a huge fan of manners & social graces. I believe in holding the door for women with children or those older than me. I believe in offering my seat to those who might need it more than me. I love “please” and “thank you” and know that a smile speaks volumes. I also believe that there is a way of being honest without being rude. I’ve found that people in the South and Northeast parts of the USA value manners and honesty, things the West Coast seem to lack.
  17. I love Bikram yoga, but sometimes my shoulder hinders my ability to do it. That’s why I’m still searching for an instructor that is patient & educational The one instructor I used to take classes from switched yoga centers and I have no idea where she teaches now…
  18. I loved sleep away summer camp as a kid, and wish I spent the entire summer at camp instead of just a week or two. If I ever have kids, sleep away summer camp will be essential.
  19. If marriage is in the cards for me, I definitely want to elope. A low key party would be in order though. It’ll be our way of saying “surprise, we’re married!!”
  20. I love roses. I love the way they look. I love the way they smell. And, I love skincare that is rose based. However, I don’t like receiving roses. Giving roses are very cliche. I’m not a roses as a gift, date on Valentine’s day type of girl.
  21. My favorite kind of dessert is a fresh pear or two with some agave syrup & roasted, salted almonds. YUM!
  22. I love red wine, but rarely drink it anymore. Pinot Noir is my go to wine.
  23. Sometimes, I crave raw onions. In fact, there has been an instance the craving was so severe I had to peel an onion and bite into it like an apple. Two bites and my craving was gone. One of my favorite snacks is popcorn with salt and onion powder. That keeps the craving at bay.
  24. Another dream job I have is a holistic nutritional counselor. I’m always on the hunt for a legitimate educational program to help me on that journey. If I get back into shape and become super regular with my fitness, I may even become a certified physical trainer which will allow me to incorporate nutritional counseling as part of my service.
  25. I love to laugh. That’s why my DVD collection is full of silly comedies. This means that I am exceedingly the Dumb and Dumber sequel has been confirmed.
  26. (Since I love mutiples of three, number 26, which is technically number 51, is your lucky cherry.) I love the idea of World Peace, which is why the best way to describe my political leaning & overall world view falls closest to Libertarian-socialist ideas. Deal with it. I am who I am. 🙂
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“You are marvelous…”

Here is something I think everyone should read and/or listen to every single day. This is a well versed love letter to any human who feels not quite right. I cried the first time I watched this clip. Not only do I love Tom Waits, I love Charles Bukowski and his work.

 

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

[Copyright Charles Bukowski]

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